My husband has a quirk about speed limits; he believes you will get in big trouble with the police if you do not drive at the maximum speed limit. He also believes other cars will run into you and not slow down when you slow down. You may believe, like me, that they will merely go around you; but you would be wrong.

Someone in his family got pulled over for putt-putting along on a busy highway once during his formative years, and it warped him for life. This has been a challenge and a problem for a couple of reasons: not only does he inevitably pass up destinations (see below), he also tried to pass on his sub-speed limit phobia to our daughters when they were learning to drive. I had to take them out separately and reteach them. I don’t think society wants 16 year-olds always going the maximum speed limit, do you, Society? I didn’t think so. You are welcome.

Me: The address is 13021 N. Cleveland

Him: uh-huh

Me: (watching buildings go by from the passenger seat) 14200, 14080, 13890, we’re getting closer…

Him: uh-huh

Me: 13458, 13340, 13200, we’re really close now….

Him: yep

Me: There it is……..you just drove past it! Why did you drive past it?

Him: (As he pulls into the next driveway and realizes he can’t get there from here) I didn’t know it was so close.

Me: I was counting down, I told you we were really close, why didn’t you slow down when I told you we were getting close?

Him: I was going the speed limit!

Me: (As we are driving two miles further down the road, over a bridge, into the downtown area, and on one way streets, trying to find a place to turn around) I KNOW, that is the problem! The speed limit is a maximum amount you are allowed to drive, not a minimum; you do not HAVE to stay at the speed limit. If you stayed at the speed limit when you made a turn, you would run into the building!

Him: I didn’t know it was close. I thought the sign would be bigger.

Me: That is why you have a navigator. I am your navigator. You are the driver.
Did you know that Jimmy Carter once gave his wife the gift of never again being late? And she said that was the best gift he ever gave her. And he never was late again. If you would give me the gift of slowing down every time I ever tell you we are close to our turn, that would be the best gift you could ever give me. How many MILES have we driven out of our way during our marriage so that you could turn around after passing up our turn??

Him: (silently wondering what Jimmy Carter has to do with anything, but wisely choosing not to ask at this particular moment) Sorry!

Math problem:
Multiply the above times the number of strange cities my husband has ever driven me around and then take that total to the tenth power. The final total equals the number of gray hairs on my head.

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